The First Time
by Pooky1234
Summary: The first time Jack realises that he loves Ianto happens when he least expects it.


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters as they belong to Russell T Davies and the BBC but I do get to play with them.

The First Time

'I really don't mind though. Come with me.' There had been a time when all Jack had wanted to hear were those words, said by his Doctor. He had loved him so much, idolised and worshipped him as the man who had saved him, and the man who would cure him. He had waited over a hundred years for an explanation only to be called wrong, and yet he still loved him. In the end it had turned out that he couldn't be cured. He was a fixed point in time, unique, something that should never had happened but there was something else that he'd worked out during the last year; he had made an astonishing discovery. It wasn't his love of the Doctor that kept him fighting through every death, in the seemingly infinite variety that the Master had inflicted upon him. No, it was another love.

'I had plenty of time to think that last year,' he replied to the Doctor's offer. 'The year that never was.' He turned towards the water tower, towards the Hub, where he hoped that they would be waiting, where he hoped he would be waiting. 'And I kept thinking about that team of mine. Like you said Doctor, responsibility.'

'Defending the Earth; I can't argue with that,' the Doctor agreed.

Jack was itching to get back. The Doctor had confirmed that he would possibly live forever. 'You are an impossible thing, Jack.' It wasn't the first time he'd been called that in his life. It reminded him of something his mother had said when he was made the face of Boe. He ran across the Plas and didn't look back. He had discovered something important that year and now he needed to make things better, to try to explain why he'd left and why he'd come back. Above all he needed to deal with the realisation that he had fallen in love with Ianto Jones.

Jack had never expected the first time he realised that would be coming around from yet another death inflicted on him by the Master. This time he'd died from loss of blood. It had been slow and painful, both the dying and the coming back. He had no idea why the realisation should come to him then. There had many occasions to realise that he loved Ianto. I could have been when he brought him coffee, as if by magic, when he needed it. It could have been the way he sometimes squeezed Jack's knee under the table when things got heated in discussions. It could have been how he dealt with a grumpy medic and still cleared up after him or how he had held Tosh's hand after Mary. It could even have been when he dealt with Gwen and her idolisation of her Captain, trusting that Jack would never take advantage of what was offered to him on a plate. Jack could have realised his feelings from the little shy smiles Ianto gave him from across the Hub or from the way he straightened his tie, a sign that he'd like some company in the archives. Or he could have thought of love as they held each other in the dark of Jack's bunker after they'd made love.

There were so many occasions that Jack could have worked out that he'd fallen in love but it was hearing Ianto's voice calling him back into life that day when he realised that it didn't matter how often he was killed if he had Ianto to come back to. No-one else got a look in from then onwards; it was Ianto's voice, Ianto's face, Ianto's eyes, Ianto's lips, Ianto's Welsh vowels, how good he looked in a suit and out of it and his total trust and belief in Jack, although Jack had barely earned it, that made him realise that he loved the quiet, unassuming Welshman with all his heart.

Later that day, after the excitement of the blowfish, they were all back at the Hub. Jack watched as his team dealt with the paperwork and the body like a well-oiled machine. He was so proud of them. Of course, it was Gwen who had challenged his disappearance.

'I found my Doctor,' he explained.

'Did he fix you,' Owen asked.

'What's to fix? You don't meddle with this level of perfection.' He looked at Ianto stood at the top of the stairs.

'Are you going back to him?' the Welshman asked. He looked so uncertain and so young and Jack longed to hold him and reassure him. Jack wanted to tell him there and then that he loved him but it wasn't the right time, not yet. He uttered the words that he hoped would suffice.

'I came back for you,' he said looking directly at him. 'For all of you.' The _because I love you_ remained unspoken. For now he kept it to himself and he would do so until he thought that Ianto was ready to hear it. Perhaps he'd ask him out on a date. It would be a place to start, wouldn't it?


End file.
